Something In Common With The Elephants

I just got back from a visit with my 3-year old grandson and his parents!  Of course, there was lots of picture-taking and a trip to the zoo.  I couldn’t help but notice—as I have frequently these days—that I have something in common with the elephants...and I don’t mean weight!

Oh, the saggy, wrinkled skin on this newly fit body!  I have joked that “I should have done this sooner, while I still had some elasticity left.”  When in odd positions and gravity is being unkind, I have batted at it and flung it around.  In a stiff wind, I could be a sail!  (Well, it’s not quite that bad . . . yet!)  I need to drink more water!  Would a good skin cream help?  How about some vitamins to encourage some ‘shrink wrap’ action?!?

I am reminded that fat used to fill the space under my skin, but I am also reminded that I am getting older!   And just when I’m feeling so young!  How cruel!  Since I haven’t found a magic potion that will infuse my skin with the vitality I feel (or even something less than magic), I will have to rely on attitude and altering my perception.



I can bypass Vanity to get to how great it feels to keep up with my grandson for hours at the zoo, zooming up ramps and climbing tall steps, picking him up without thinking about it, and having the energy for his energy!  But, can I sidestep Appearance and just not see those wrinkles?  (I’m convinced that’s why eyesight diminishes as we age.)  Or can I see them differently?



Are wrinkles and baggy skin a testament to where I’ve been and how far I’ve come?  



I don’t want to have to gather up my skin so I don’t trip over it like a skirt that’s too long, but I don’t want to fill it up with fat again, either.  These days, I wouldn’t trade in my health for smooth skin:  it feels too good to run and jump and play!  So, if I have to have ‘elephant skin’, I wouldn’t mind having some grace in accepting it, too!

I’m working on it J

Taking Up Space

One day in a conversation with my trainer Natalie, I commented that I really had no idea that I’d been so fat...and felt like I should apologize!  We both chuckled and she replied, “For what, taking up space?”

It got me thinking about the ways we take up space, sometimes substituting a need for significance with a BIG presence and HUGE appetite, literally!  I was at my fattest when I felt myself ‘disappearing’ from my own life!  

I fed myself (those momentarily satisfying comfort foods) in the sorrow of too many losses, in the rush of trying to find success in my new career, in the uncertainty of life after divorce, even in the joy (and exhaustion) of trying to take care of others, always trying to ‘fill the space’.  Life was so . . . well, it was just how life is sometimes and I couldn’t find myself, no matter how much space I was taking up! 

It seems contradictory, but I suppose there is a logic to it:  the smaller I felt, the bigger I got!

  

So, one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn on this journey (except for eating breakfast every day!) is HOW to ‘take up space’.  It started with a commitment to make the time and spend the money on my health, and continues with the promise to care for my well-being as if I AM important, the most important person in my life!  That singular concept (and  practice) has changed my life.  I'm learning to feel the space I take up as the person I truly am, rather than trying to fill some ever-expanding, illusive void.

And what could be more important than a direct line to yourself?  At 58, I’ve rediscovered the fun I used to feel on the playground, challenging myself to master my universe (and no one else’s)!  I have fun working toward physical goals (see below).  I am getting better about setting interpersonal boundaries, am respectful of what is important to me, and look to myself to find what has meaning in life.  And I’m a much better person for it, for myself, but also for others.

Here’s my invitation to you:  set some goals, however ‘small’, that have personal significance, then spread your wings and take up some space!



original black-and-white photo by Lyle Krannichfeld, 2011
courtesy of NorCal Strength & Conditioning



It's Never Too Late!

It is my 2-year anniversary with Natalie at NorCal Strength & Conditioning! My journey actually started the previous summer (2008) when my weight was at an all-time high--194 lbs. the last time I had the courage to step on the scale--and my happiness was at an all-time low. In this photo, I am wearing the Mother-of-the-Bride ensemble, size 1x, that I bought at COSTCO for my youngest daughter's wedding.

Many things in my life then had been going awry and immediately after the wedding, I lost 10 lbs. (even though I'd tried so hard to lose weight BEFORE the wedding)--that's another story--then I made two significant changes in my life: I stopped drinking diet soda and I quit going to drive-throughs! I lost another 10 lbs. with those changes... 

Then in April of 2009, I was approached by Natalie, offering a deal on 12 one-on-one training sessions at the Crossfit gym. I had been laid off for the second year in a row and busy with end of the school year activities, but I had to do SOMETHING! I signed up to get started as soon as school was out and have been going ever since! 

By the way, as I write this, I am 58 years old and wear a size 2. Much more importantly, I feel GREAT: I'm getting stronger all the time and able to do things I haven't done since my 20s and 30s. I eat Paleo, take no medications, and at a recent annual exam, my doctor almost seemed disappointed that he couldn't find something to do or suggest for my health! ha ha