Taking Up Space

One day in a conversation with my trainer Natalie, I commented that I really had no idea that I’d been so fat...and felt like I should apologize!  We both chuckled and she replied, “For what, taking up space?”

It got me thinking about the ways we take up space, sometimes substituting a need for significance with a BIG presence and HUGE appetite, literally!  I was at my fattest when I felt myself ‘disappearing’ from my own life!  

I fed myself (those momentarily satisfying comfort foods) in the sorrow of too many losses, in the rush of trying to find success in my new career, in the uncertainty of life after divorce, even in the joy (and exhaustion) of trying to take care of others, always trying to ‘fill the space’.  Life was so . . . well, it was just how life is sometimes and I couldn’t find myself, no matter how much space I was taking up! 

It seems contradictory, but I suppose there is a logic to it:  the smaller I felt, the bigger I got!

  

So, one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn on this journey (except for eating breakfast every day!) is HOW to ‘take up space’.  It started with a commitment to make the time and spend the money on my health, and continues with the promise to care for my well-being as if I AM important, the most important person in my life!  That singular concept (and  practice) has changed my life.  I'm learning to feel the space I take up as the person I truly am, rather than trying to fill some ever-expanding, illusive void.

And what could be more important than a direct line to yourself?  At 58, I’ve rediscovered the fun I used to feel on the playground, challenging myself to master my universe (and no one else’s)!  I have fun working toward physical goals (see below).  I am getting better about setting interpersonal boundaries, am respectful of what is important to me, and look to myself to find what has meaning in life.  And I’m a much better person for it, for myself, but also for others.

Here’s my invitation to you:  set some goals, however ‘small’, that have personal significance, then spread your wings and take up some space!



original black-and-white photo by Lyle Krannichfeld, 2011
courtesy of NorCal Strength & Conditioning